Saddened Knowledge

So I've been back in the U.S. for about a week; and I have a confession to make...I have culture shock. Three months ago I thought that I would come back to the states unchanged and knowing everything that I liked and disliked about being apart of America's community; and as usual I was wrong. I returned home, welcomed by my mother, people everywhere speaking English, and IHOP Red-Velvet pancakes; they were delicious, glad it was my first American meal back. But, I looked around and I listened to everyone, I understood everything that was being said: every consonant, verb, noun, stress on each word, and emotional content. I listened and heard everything that was being said; and it scared me.
 I just emerged from a three month trip where language was a distant worry, now I am back and I have to worry about how to phrase my words, in order for people to understand the full content I what I want to convey. I didn't realize how much I appreciated not having to worry about what people said and how they said their words. I was surrounded by my friends and classmates who spoke English, but it was more of a reminder of home. Now I'm home and English is all around me. This language and the words I write aren't a reminder of a place where I felt safe, it's a reminder of what America has become in the past years.
Not only was I bombarded by sentences and phrase of English, I was bombarded by merchandise, advertisement, big business consumerism and unhealthy living. It disgusted me. I drove by so many fast food restaurants and see people on their phones instead of talk with the people they were with within the first ten minutes of being back. I knew all this existed, but returning from a country where intimacy and realistic communication were present made me sad. People read books on the subway in Russia, people scroll through a meme on their iPhone in America.
Something I learned, more than anything, in Russia was that you can't sit and suffer through life. Chekhovian character's lives are miserable, but they're comical characters in a comedy that plays on the depression of these characters. Stanislavski has a quote that has stuck with me my entire trip: "Higher, lighter, simpler, more cheerful." It must be a purpose to understand what is troublesome and have that as a base foundation to reach a higher level of happiness.
I didn't actually think that I would miss my time in Russia, but I do. I miss walking down cobblestone streets listening to Bon Iver. I miss saying "Спасибо" (thank you) and "пожалуйста" (you're welcome). And I definitely miss eating buckwheat in the cafeteria. One day, maybe, I will return to Moscow, possibly as a tourist, and fill the space that has opened in my heart.